I've been thinking... oh DEAR

I’m on lockdown. That’s right. I’m not allowed off the boat the WHOLE weekend. This is for many reasons, most of which have been decided by yours truly: I’ve been doing FAR too much of everything naughty; spending, drinking, eating cheese… it must STOP. So this weekend, I will not spend a single cent (I will NOT), I will not touch a glass of wine and I will not so much as sniff a piece of French cheese. It’s reading, sleeping, writing, water and fruit for moi. Yes. Nothing bad, only good. I’m on my floating fortress of health and well-being and self control. Yay me.

Now, when you’re by yourself on a floating fortress of health and well-being and self control you have a lot of time to think. And in my opinion, thinking is not good. It’s bad. Thinking is the enemy.  My motto this year has been “don’t think, just do”, so now that I’ve stopped for 2 seconds, I’ve been… thinking. I woke up this morning (sans hangover) from my peaceful, healthy slumber and the first thing I thought was … OH MY GOD I’M GETTING OLD AND I’M GOING TO DIE AND I STILL HAVEN’T SEEN A PANDA OR MILKED A COW OR GROWN MY OWN POTATO (why-the-hell-do-I-all-of-a-sudden-want-to-be-a-farmerrr-and-is-there-even-an-"e"-at-the-end-of-potatoo and why am I putting little dashes between every word). I haven’t written a book or been to South America or eaten hippo marinated in coca-cola. I haven’t built my own tree house or made my own wine, I haven’t seen a tiger, I don’t know what raddichio tastes like or even LOOKS like, I haven’t even made my own JAM (good GOD). Calm down Cary, you’re 25, you’re not going to die, you can still make your own jam, you are insane. But I COULD die, I could, especially here in France, I seem destined to die on my little purple bicycle, I’ve nearly died twice, so maybe THRICE (un)lucky? Okay stop it.

I’ve had a firm word with myself and I don’t think I will be dying any time soon. So, what I’ve decided I want to do, is make a list of things I WANT to do, a bucket list of sorts, so when I do die, or when I AM dying (because when I’m dead I won’t be doing much of anything at all will I? Aaah) I don't think… oh my god I wish I had done that. So, in my next post I will treat you to my bucket list. Oleh.