"Um, I'm really sorry your boat crashed into the dock"
"Don't worry dear, it wasn't your fault, it was a cacophony of fuck ups"
Yes, we crashed the boat, into the dock. It was the owners fault cos he pushed the bow out too much when he was backing up, it was the deckhands fault for not putting the fenders in the right place when we went into port, it was the captains fault for not checking up on him, aaaand it was my fault, no, wait, nothing is ever MY fault, what am I thinking? No, it was my fault because, well, I couldn't get from one end of the boat to the other, with a spare fender, in under 2 seconds. See, not MY fault, but I said sorry anyways, I should apparently have been more "on the ball", I should have had my spare set of wings to fly there, silly me.
Yeah today really WAS a cacophony of fuck ups. It started with the wind picking up, poaring rain, rolling boat, I had just been asked to make pancakes for the owners when the captain comes running in... SHUT THAT OFF... GET OUTSIDE NOW, WE'RE BRINGING THE TENDER UP, WE'RE GOING INTO PORT, WE NEED MORE FUEL AND WE HAVE TO GO NOOOOOOOW. It was all very shouty and stressful. Out I went, into the pouring rain, standing on the top deck, falling all over the place, operating a crane to lift the tender up onto the boat, getting shouted at for doing it wrong, I eventually get downstairs, the water jug has smashed, glass all over the floor, pancakes burnt and cold, had to start another batch, get called out again to help on deck getting the boat alongside the dock. Anyways, it's a long story but basically, the back of the boat crashed into the dock, there was a lot of shouting and swearing and stress, not fun. Well, the owners got their pancakes and fresh berries and peppermint tea and we said goodbye to them, and that's when the fun started... a six hour trip back to Imperia in the most horrific seas I've ever been in. I'm talking stuff flying all over the boat, water coming over the top, drawers sliding open. We were being flung around like mad, the best thing to do was to just lie, like a starfish, on the floor. I now know what it's like to be truly, truuuly seasick. At first when I saw the massive waves as we headed out, I was all excited. It was fun, for about 3 minutes, the next 5 hours and 57 minutes, not so much.
We're back in Imperia, alive, all's good. I'm exhausted and off to bed. Bonne nuit
