I have a problem.
You have many, I hear you say
(this is true, but besides the point).
Kay, so, I grew up in South Africa, but I'm not really one of them. I'm a British Citizen (OLEH) which means I have a British Passport, which means all sorts of cool things for me; like cruising around Europe without a visa care in the world and allegiance to the Queen (and stuff?) and I'm sure if I really needed to I could get my hands on the dole (and spend it at Asda on flat box furniture or deep fried Mars Bars from the local chippy)and if I'd wanted to have six children when I was sixteen the government would have given me bucket loads of money to sit at home and watch Honey Boo-Boo, eat Ben & Jerry's and wear silk Adidas tracksuits. All that would have been GRAND, but... where was I? Oh, I have this passport and I love it dearly but now, NOW it's about to expire. Dum dum dum. More like DUMB DUMB DUMB. Apparently, when you want to get a new one, you have to give them your OLD one, and
YOU CAN'T GO ANYWHERE FOR 8-10 WEEKS!!
gaaaaaaaah
balls bugger crap
what the hell NO
what the hell NO
NOWHERE. Cannot. Go. ANYwhere. I can go to the Bluff, or visit Crapfontein or Shitsville or CrumbsKOP in South Africa, but I can't go to INDIA, I can't even go to Ashgabat in Turkmenistan (??),can't even go THERE.
Ooooooohmegerd. It's not faaaaair
**(Okay, there's this thing called an Emergency Passport which Google just told me about. So, I could do that, ooooor I could go to London and do it in a week or so but I'd sooner chew my own arm off than have to go there at this time of year.)
See, I have a problem, I TOLD you
