Czech food does NOT kid around. Czech food is that guy at the gym in the tight little wife beater, the one with VEINS popping out of his neck and head. Czech food is a MONSTER truck, it crumples the measly-by-comparison culinary offerings of France, Italy and Belgium like tiny little smart cars and golfs in its path. Czech food is the WOLF, the lion, the freaking python that swallows animals WHOLE, man. Do you want to eat Czech food? Of freaking course you do. It's rich and doughy and filling and it's amaaaazeballs. If you do not EAT Czech food when you are IN the Czech Republic... you could die. Czech food is gonna turn your tastebuds into receptors of sheer ecstasy, you've been warned.
Yeah, goulash bitches. But not JUST the goulash, it's all about the stuff that comes with the goulash. Yeah, the dumplings. And the potato pancakes, and the red cabbage, and the glass of mulled wine. Yeah, that shit is where it's at.
Czech people eat pork knuckles, hell yes they do and it so bad ass, so freaking BAD ass that it will punch you in the face with its sheer gastronomical awesomeness, yeah, that badass, so badass your nose will probably start bleeding.
Walk around the old town, around where the astronomical clock is and just SEE what those badasses offer at the night market. Yeah, WHOLE animals on the spit, Bohemian sauerkraut (yeah, you thought that shit was just for Germans, it's NOT), no no, these badasses LOVE sauerkraut, but theirs has BACON, potatoes and onions in it, ONE up on the old Germans, they LAUGH in the face of German sauerkraut, that, my friends, is how badass they are.
So yeah, Czech food people, give it a BASH, before it swims across the ocean and BASHES you, all the way in South Africa because that, is how badass Czech food is.
