In
Thailand… bus driver is king. YOU are lucky
to be on his bus, so when he decides he wants to go visit his
uncle, pick up some eggs or get his make-up reapplied… he totally can, and YOU
cannot do anything about it, don't even THINK that you can. Just sit there
patiently and wait for the bus to start moving again. Seriously though, they’ll
change the tyres (all four of them) and fill up with petrol DURING your two
hour bus trip, why would they do it on their own time when they can do it on
yours? They’ll tell you stuff on a strictly “need to know” basis, you’ll pull
up on the side of the road, bus driver will get out… and you’ll sit there for
two hours, without ANY explanation. You will not be told how long the bus trip
will take, estimated time of arrival or if there will be any toilet stops. If
you’re lucky, he’ll shine a torch in your face at 3am saying OUT OUT LAAAH
STAAAAP GET OUT! Best to just go with
it, don't try fight it.
The
interior of the buses is summin else, the brighter the better. I’m
talking frilly pink curtains, velvet seats, lace headrest cloths, fake flowers,
gold picture frames, mini shrines fully complete with offerings up front, they’ll
even play some English nursery rhymes for you (IF you are lucky).
If it’s
longer than a six hour bus… there WILL be a pit stop… but YOU will not know
when, it’s a surprise. Pit stops are always quite fun. They usually involve a
dodgey little road house with an old lady making some fly
laaai wi paah (that’s fried rice with pork, to you and I), there will be an
interesting toilet (a hole in the groud aaaand a bucket of water, nothing
more, nothing less), there will be a screaming naked baby, a toddler strangling
a puppy and there will be bright kitch stuff… EVERYWHERE. There might be some
music, some great, GREAT music and most of the time there WILL be a Thai curry that is
guaranteed to not only blow your socks off, but your pants too.
There will
NOT be seat belts and there IS no speed limit.
You HAVE
been warned.
