Life Abroad

I planned another epic shopping spree in Naples this morning... cue torrential rain and violent thunderstorms. A sign, maybe? (and yes, it's "cue" not "queue", thank you to my faithful blog reader and grammar guru who sent me an urgent email this morning). I guess I'll just stay on the boat then and do some ironing. Howwww depressing. Ironing. I HATE ironing. If you hang stuff up on the line straight and fold it right away, you don't reeeeally need to iron anything, unless it's a fancy work shirt, but I don't plan on ever owning one of them. How bad would it be to just take it all to the laundry and pay them to do it (with the boat's money, of course). Haha, cheeky, I like it. In this job, you have to choose your battles. Ain't nobody wanna be battling with trying to iron and fold the world's most enormous fitted sheet on the world's tiniest ironing board on a rocking boat, on the weekend, haaaaahl NO they don't. I'll just shop online then, baha, yeah, take THAT, weather. I'll just lie in my cosy little bed and will a cup of tea my way. I'm home alone, as it whurrr. Why do people say "bla bla... as it were", I don't get it. Oh, and also, in a moment of complete stupidity, I bought a bag of fresh, pre-grated carrots (no idea why), do you know, there was a list of "ingredients" on the bag. INGREDIENTS. I'm not even joking. What the hell kind of ingredients need to go into a bag of grated carrots?! This is why pre-packaged food is such a bad idea, they sneak stuff in there when you least expect it, farmers market all the way. That's that. Aaaaahlrighthy then. So, because I'm going on a safari, does that mean I get to wear safari clothes? I'm not talking khaki cut-offs and hiking boots with long socks and leatherman's and and other practical lezzzzbyan paraphernalial (yes, I'm extremely offensive, so naughty), I'm talking Karen Blixen from Out of Africa, dainty white blouses and fitted blasers and elegant high-waisted skirts and white gloves (too much?). Don't you love how my blog posts are so well structured, how there's a central theme and focus that's prevalent throughout? How they're so well thought out and organised? I'm an EXCELLENT writer. I'm GOING places, man. Watch out, world.