six of the best

So, to a French person, when a South African says "chairs"... it apparently sounds like we're saying "cheese", I found this out when I asked the deckhand to put some chairs out as we were having a few extra guests for dinner and what was randomly laid out on the dinner table? An enormous platter of cheese, bless his heart. Perhaps I sound more like a Saffa than I think, haha, "chez", chaaairs, laaa te da chhhaaairs. 

 We were sailing along and I looked out the porthole and saw this. Not. Even. Joking. Out of nowhere we were on our side and in the water and the best part was... muggins here had just served lunch, in my defence the captain had merely said that it might be "a bit bumpy", he failed to mention that the boat was going to practically flip over. I needn't have bothered with the plates because the food was splattered all over the boat, I'm talking salmon stuck to the walls, guests sliding in butter, clinging to the table, children screaming and laughing hysterically, salad on the roof, prawns flung into the cabins, plates smashing, glasses sliding ... it was glorious. The guests had the time of their lives, it was all rather dramatic, everyone was on the floor laughing and trying to cling onto things, the big Italian boss was sitting happily on the floor in the corner eating my smoked salmon and dill quiche straight off the floor, he picked up a prawn, and dipped it in the marie rose sauce under the table, it was the most classic sight ever, the boat was violently rocking from side to side and there he was... eating, very typical of him. All the kids screamed out at once "dad STOP eating", haha, he was the best of the lot, he absolutely LOVED food and had a really good sense of humour. The captain didn't seem to find it as funny as the guests did, in fact, he found it very unfunny indeed, haha, "Carreee, what-eez-theez bullsheeet? Theez bullshit on you, merde", hahahahaha. I shouln't have laughed but I did. I looked at him and pulled the sweetest face I could, how could he be cross? He shook his head, started laughing and said "clean well, belle folle"

The guests went upstairs and enjoyed the incredible sailing that was going on (11 knots) and I stayed downstairs, cleaning up the aftermath like a bozo. It was exhausting, I was sliding around the place with a mop, sweating, picking up glass, stressing out and feeling rather queezy. I managed to get everything under control, and, feeling rather pleased with myself, I sat down for 10 seconds only to be approached by the most annoying creature of the lot, the 16 year old boy who had just woken up and without even saying hello said in his most annoying 

American accent "Carey, I'll get, like, an egg-white omlette, with, like, bacon, mushrooms, green peppers, onions, garlic and chili... and cheese, and ketchup. AWESOME. And then, like, I'll get, some rrrraspberry pancakes with, like a chocolate sauce, and some whipped cream...

I looked at him.

There was a 5 second pause.

And then I cracked up laughing.

I'm talking uncontrollable, crazy person, tears running down my face kind of laughing. And I couldn't stop.

The little brat just stood there in an absolute state of shock. He looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing this outrageous behaviour and said "you're fuckin' crazy, dude".

I said "yeah I like totally am, dude. The cereal is in the cupboard and you know where the bowls are, bon appetit, and don't spill ANYTHING on the couch, I'll be totally, like, mad. Thanks"

 

I don't know what got into me but it felt so good.

Crew night out in La Madellena, Sardinia. We had just arrived at the port after a few hours sailing and the most amazing thing happened, the guests decided to go ashore for dinner and decided to give us some money to treat ourselves too. We went to the most incredible local restaurant. The entire menu was in Italian (of course) and I had no idea what I was ordering, I just pointed at something on the menu and hoped for the best. Well, the boys' food came and it looked INCREDIBLE, I sat there eagerly waiting for mine and what had old silly sally ordered, a plain bowl of pasta with a splash of cheese sauce on the top. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! Now, I'd been working 18 hours a day for the last six days, I'd had one too many glasses of wine and I was REALLY looking forward to something incredible and delicious being cooked and served to me, for a change. I looked at it, and I don't know what happened, but I started crying.  I tried to stop but I couldn't. It was ridiculous. I was crying because I had ordered the most boring thing on the menu. The guys looked at me, utterly perplexed, the waiter ran to the kitchen and called the chef and out she came, to find one of her customers CRYING because they didn't like what she had cooked. The ultimate insult. I felt terrible. I had no idea what she was saying but she clearly felt absolutely terrible too. She went into the kitchen and came out 20 minutes later with a plate of the most delicious looking pasta I had ever seen, she bought me bowls of parmesan and all sorts of extras. She threw in a limoncello and some desserts and a really big hug, I somehow think she knew it wasn't so much about the food as about being way over worked and over tired.

 

We had a few more glasses of wine, the music was turned up and next thing the entire restaurant was standing up, dancing and singing in Italian, the staff came out the kitchen with pizza and sat down to eat their dinner and started passing it around, the waitress poured us all ANOTHER round of limoncello, lit up a cigarette and just chilled with us for the rest of the night. It was such a great evening, I'll never forget it. We walked back to the boat along the narrow, cobbled streets and stopped on our way to listen to a guy playing the guitar and singing the most beautiful song, I had no idea what the words meant but it made me cry, again. After all that crying and eating and laughing and singing, it was time to go to bed, I had another long day ahead of me.

Being asked by a 12 year old which button on the boat remote to push to make the crew jump up like robots and fetch the ice cream . Not even joking. Those exact words.

 

 

Sleeping out under the open sky, watching shooting stars and listening to the sound of the water against the boat, spontaneous midnight swims when the guests were sleeping, sailing, cooking,joking around with the crew, feeding 10 year olds mojitos when their parents were away, just to see what happend, the incredible colors of the sea in Sardinia and, this is not the kind of thing I normally say, but achieving more than I ever thought I could. The dolphins, the mountains, the preposterously good-looking captain on the other boat, his charming girlfriend, the sunrises, the sunsets, and everything in between...

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The end...