China customs and immigrations is NO joke.
Nooo joke. They do not
kid around and they do not
get sarcasm, or a bit of banter. They. Mean. BUSINESS.
I landed in Guangzhou at around 5.50pm and
was thinking hmm yes,
I’m not sitting around the airport for 18 hours, no WAYS not ever. I’m totally going to spoil myself, I’m
having an epic Cary night, oh yes I ammm. Nice hotel, fluffy white duvet,
pillows everywhere, nice dinner, bit of a walk around, take some pretty
pictures, see some sparkly lights, have a nice bath, bit of Gossip Girl, cosy
sleep in said LUXURY marshmallow bed, wake up all fresh and rested and ready to
go to Thailand. Noooo no.
I was I wrong, oh was I everrr? We were herded into a little pen and told
to WAIT for free transfer accommodation (?)
Umm, but what if I don't want free transfer
accommodation?
You WILL
Oh, right, jolly good then
Haha
“Your options are… FREE accommodation… or DEATH
Eh, death please, thank you
very much
Very well then… DEATH it shall be
Wait, I mean FREE, FREE accommodation
You said death first, we’re all ooouut of FREE
accommodation”
If you’re wondering what that’s
all about, youtube "cake or death", I’ve not lost the plot entirely, well, I think I have lost the plot, as in, I don't think that's how it goes, I kind of just made it up. Youtube it.
Anyways, I’m currently sitting with about 40
other people all waiting to get FREE AIRPORT ACCOMMODATION, seems everyone went
for that option. I’d quite like to go to the
bathroom, but they’re having NONE of that, no wait here. Ummmm, I need the bathroom. You bath
at hotel. Free hotel. No, not to bath, to, well, whatever NEVERMIND
(thank you for the free accommodation thank you thank you I didn’t mean to say
“nevermind” like that PLEASE don’t deport me I just need to wee.
So I’m at the hotel, and, well, at first I
thought maybe the wifi just sucked, and then I realised… Facebook and Blogger
are totally BANNED in China, how nuts is THAT?
So, I did get to stay in a hotel, for free,
but it wasn't quite the hotel I imagined. I met some people that were on the
plane with me and we all decided to venture out. Woah boy. I don’t think I have
ever, ever felt so out of my comfort zone, we were in a pretty gangster area,
we were the only white people and they were literally all pointing and staring
at us, I felt like such a weirdo. We tried to find some food, haha, THAT was
fun. I recognised a piece of pineapple on a stick… got that. Still felt hungry,
couldn’t QUITE stomach the little skinned creatures that were on skewers, so we
went for these weird fried ball things, with something in them that tasted a
bit like squid and covered with this orange, crispy, furry stuff and some other
green stuff, it was pretty good actually. Okay enough about my 18 hours in China... I'm in Thailand now.
