Epic dining fail

I got so sick of Franco begging me to come out to dinner with him (I'm just such good company like that), I decided to just join him. Well, we started off at a tapas bar (when in Spain), I ordered a shrimp salad, and it came, and there was absolutely nothing in there that resembled a salad. It came in a jar, now on the bottom there was cold mashed potato stuff (?) with peas, a few shrimps and about half a cup of mayonnaise on top. Shrimp salad, you say? I made Franco swap with me, he's okay with being a fat-boy. So, I had his octopus carpaccio, uh, it was interesting. I drank about a liter of water, turns out... the water cost more than what my carpaccio thingy did (?). Stronzo was still hungry so we went to have sushi, at a Brazilian bar, in Mallorca: yeah, I know. The sushi was, well, it was what you could expect from a Brazilian bar in Mallorca: TRAGIC! Luckily I was bribed into going there so mud-guts paid for it. Now he wants to go for pizza. Seriously? I think it's time to write tonight off, call it quits. Culinary catastrophe.