How to be an excellent cook/stew

First and foremost, you must be an excellent chef.

You have to know how to read stuff in French so you can follow cooking instructions and so you don't buy cottage cheese when you're trying to buy yoghurt you don't make quiche out of puff pastry cos you thought it was normal pastry cos you couldn't undertand what it said cos you DON'T SPEAK FRENCH. Anyways. Moving on.

You can't BURN stuff
Burning stuff is a big NO-NO, people don't seem to  take very kindly to it.
Oh, and you can't serve dodgey looking food, presentation is key.

You must know that cream, garlic and butter make everything taste better. This is important.

You have to know how to ride a bicycle, with 2 baguettes under your arm, balancing 8kg in your little basket with a steaming hot rotisserie chicken in your backpack, burning the living daylights out of your back. You've gotta be FAST so the ice cream doesn't melt and you have to do all this whilst adhering to the rules of the road, ringing your bell at pedestrians that get in your way, greeting the littleold lady in the boulangerie and watching out for wild, unruly teenagers on their scooters.

You have to be REALLY good at shopping. You've gotta be good at BUYING stuff, with someone elses money (tough one right?)

You have to know how to arrange

and how to make a really pretty

and you have to remember to check it EVERY day, or else the sneaky little plum at the bottom of the bowl will go rotten, and the owners wife will pick it up and go freaking

Yeah. BANANAS. Absolutely freaking, totally bananas.
PRETTINESS is the key word. You must be able to make everything look pretty, all the time, including yourself. Prettiness is imperitive.

You must be able to feed ridiculously, abnormally hungry men, we're talking an 8 on the hunger scale of 1 to Mole.

Anyways, as I was saying..

You must have one of THESE, a crystal ball

Very NB

This is a vital piece of equipment. You need one so you know how many people you'll be cooking for, what they would like to eat, what time they'll be arriving and how many nights they'll be staying on the boat. Without one of these, you're screwed.

More tips on how to be an excellent cook/stew to come...