king of the bins

The port refuse area in Golfe Juan is a GREAT place (seriously), not only because you meet loads of yachties taking out their garbage too but because you FIND stuff. And I'm not just talking about smelly banana peels and old newspapers... I'm talking Magimix Nespresso M200s. Yeah. For real. Just like this. Sitting on top of the rubbish pile, caaaaan you believe it.

And... it totally WORKS. It just needed some anti-calc run through it. The lazy, wasteful creatures couldn't be bothered to clean the thing so they just threw it out. This is what these people are like in this industry, there's just SO much money being thrown around that something like this is just peanuts to them so the minute it stops working, for even a second, they throw it out. Which is completely RIDICULOUS but completely awesome for old bargain betty over here. Gotta LOVE a free coffee machine. If you have any interest in buying a magimix nespresso machine, email me: carymurdoch@yahoo.com. While the magimix is cool, especially cos it was FREE, if I was buying one I think I'd buy this starter kit that comes with a cute little machine, a whole lot of nespresso capsules, a carousel to store the capsules and some colourful espresso cups and saucers. Go look at my shop, you can buy it there.

Anyways, my little run to the refuse area was RATHER succesful. I went off the boat with a black bin bag filled with rubbish and walked back on with an almost new magimix coffee maker, the captain was WELL proud of me but asked kindly that I make sure nobody sees which boat I walked off of, you can't have your crew digging through the bins, it's just not the image you're going for.

30 seconds of bravery

Now that the owners have gone, I have quite a bit of free time and our lovely captain has said we could look for a bit of extra work on the side and a day later, just like magic, I found some work on a beautiful 24m sailing yacht going around Corsica and Sardinia. The only thing is, well, the position is as a chef. Yes that's right. A proper chef on a charter boat with 6 guests paying over a quarter of a million rand for a week. And they want to pay me as a proper chef too (2000 buckaroos a flipping day), never mind the tip we'll get at the end(5% each of the charter fee is standard, yeah do that maths). So REALLY, how could I turn this down? I'd have to be completeley NUTS to turn it down. I don't know where I got this idea that I was a chef, I really don't know. I just decided one day that I was going to tell people I was a chef and now it's kinda stuck and now that's just what I say I am. Hahahaha. I think it's time I looked into getting some proper training, maybe that's what i'll do when the season is over.

Anyways, I made it resoundingly clear to the captain that I was not a qualified chef and that my cooking is basic but he's friends with the deckhand on my boat so I think he's willing to let it slide.

Obviously I'm extremely nervous to be cooking 3 course meals for 6 very high end guests but I decided that it's a good thing to push myself and the worst that can happen is that I get to go on a sailing boat to Corsica and get bucketfuls of money, sure the guests might not be 100% happy with the level of cooking but they still have to pay me and they're still expected to leave 15% tip for the 3 of us. So really, worst case scenario is REALLY not bad.

So yeah, on the 1st August I'm getting on a train to Montpellier (5 hours away) and then getting on the yacht and doing a 36 hour crossing to Bonofacio, Corsica, where I will work, as a chef, and produce EXCELLENT, top quality 3 course meals, for 6 people, twice a day (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, trying not to panic).

So yes, that was my 30 seconds of bravery, picking up the phone and saying with complete confidence that I will be coming onto the boat to be their chef for a week.

polishing and stuff

Polishing is NOT fun, especially when you have an entire kitchen to do.

Oooh look, just OODLES of fun

it's even more fun when you find...

How to be an excellent cook/stew

First and foremost, you must be an excellent chef.

You have to know how to read stuff in French so you can follow cooking instructions and so you don't buy cottage cheese when you're trying to buy yoghurt you don't make quiche out of puff pastry cos you thought it was normal pastry cos you couldn't undertand what it said cos you DON'T SPEAK FRENCH. Anyways. Moving on.

You can't BURN stuff
Burning stuff is a big NO-NO, people don't seem to  take very kindly to it.
Oh, and you can't serve dodgey looking food, presentation is key.

You must know that cream, garlic and butter make everything taste better. This is important.

You have to know how to ride a bicycle, with 2 baguettes under your arm, balancing 8kg in your little basket with a steaming hot rotisserie chicken in your backpack, burning the living daylights out of your back. You've gotta be FAST so the ice cream doesn't melt and you have to do all this whilst adhering to the rules of the road, ringing your bell at pedestrians that get in your way, greeting the littleold lady in the boulangerie and watching out for wild, unruly teenagers on their scooters.

You have to be REALLY good at shopping. You've gotta be good at BUYING stuff, with someone elses money (tough one right?)

You have to know how to arrange

and how to make a really pretty

and you have to remember to check it EVERY day, or else the sneaky little plum at the bottom of the bowl will go rotten, and the owners wife will pick it up and go freaking

Yeah. BANANAS. Absolutely freaking, totally bananas.
PRETTINESS is the key word. You must be able to make everything look pretty, all the time, including yourself. Prettiness is imperitive.

You must be able to feed ridiculously, abnormally hungry men, we're talking an 8 on the hunger scale of 1 to Mole.

Anyways, as I was saying..

You must have one of THESE, a crystal ball

Very NB

This is a vital piece of equipment. You need one so you know how many people you'll be cooking for, what they would like to eat, what time they'll be arriving and how many nights they'll be staying on the boat. Without one of these, you're screwed.

More tips on how to be an excellent cook/stew to come...

Pretty Boats & Pretty Places

I'm all kinds of in love with this boat, it's just so pretty, LOOK...

News is... we're off to Italy today

Yalla Yalla

Surprise visit from the owners today, wanting to go on a little cruise and wanting some lunch from yours truly. Luckily we had everything ready for them and it wasn't too much of a disaster.  We had to yalla yalla (hurry hurry) but it all worked out okay. I thought 20 minutes notice was bad, but NO notice, sheesh that's something else. We really do have to be ready ALL the time. I whipped up something spectacular for them to eat and apparently I'm an EXCELLENT chef and Mr Farid would like me to come work at the Hyatt Hotel he owns in Oman, haha, how funny.

Anyways, that's me, driving the boat, taking pictures of myself, looking sprightly in my new uniform, being an excellent chef, multi-tasking, being awesome and at the same time looking quite ridiculous, you know, as you do.

Oh yes, we went to Saint Tropez the other night and there was the most incredible firework display at midnight, I was up waiting for the guests to come back from ashore so I ran to the front of the boat and sat right on the edge watching the display. It was a nice end to a rather stressful day.

It's now 4am and I'm not quite sure why I'm awake, we had a busy day again yesterday, had 10 people arrive with 15 minutes notice, had to make lunch for everyone and run around like crazy, we went to Ville Franche, Cap Ferrat, Monaco and Cannes and might be heading to Sanremo, Italy, later on today but that's not confirmed, I'm sure we'll get a call when they're in the car and five minutes away...

stew/cook/superwoman

Okay, 12 people are coming again, but they're bringing Mohammed.

Okay cool, so I shouldn't worry about lunch then?

Nope.

1 hour later.... 8 people arrive... NO Mohammed.

Mohammed where ARE you?! Mohammeeeeed, I thought we were FRIENDS?

Chilled. I can do this. Breathe.

Cary, we bought some quail for Mr Farid, (big boss) he'll have that for lunch.


Alright. Quail, shit, insanely small bird, how the HELL do I cook this bastard?!

Mr Farid walks on at 11.30am.

Hello, nice to meet you, something for breakfast please.

Yes, very nice to meet you too. Poached eggs? Great, won't be long.

RUSH to the kitchen. Oh hell. Okay, poached eggs, toast, mushrooms, tomatoes. BAM there's your breakfast.

Clean the kitchen. Serve drinks. Play hide and seek with the children, pretend to be thoroughly enjoying myself whilst doing so, smiling and laughing and thinking (in most evil manner) WHY DON'T YOU GO HIDE IN THE CUPBOARD... like, FOREVER. What a horrible thing to think. Anyways.

2 more guest: can we have some tuna sandwiches, and a salad please.


Yes, sure. Search like mad for tuna... eventually find it, serve sandwiches.

Thanks Cary, you're great. Can you get the children some ice cream please, Jude would like pink ice cream, thanks.

Shit, we only have white ice cream... Aaah, we have food colouring. Make ice cream pink. Miracle maker.

Mr Farid: I'll have a steak please, with some fries. Thank you.

But WHAT?! You just had breakfast?! Now you want steak? You're SUPPOSED to be having quail!! Damnit. Ooookay, shit do we even have steak? YES, yes we do, clever Cary for buying lots of emergency steak.

Serve steak, clean galley, remake beds for the 2nd time, clean bathrooms, help on deck. Refold towels. Make lunch for the crew. Clean the crew area. Serve drinks.

30 mins later... oh, Cary, could we have 3 more steaks please, they looked SO good.

Yes, of cooourse you can.

1 hour later... could we have a pizza please?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO you cannot. You cannot have a pizza. This is not a restaurant! I have already made THREE different meals today,why can't you be NORMAL and all eat the same thing at the same time like NORMAL people. WHY? What's WRONG with you. Sorry, I mean yes, YES you may most certainly have a pizza.

Yeah, thanks Mohammed, jolly good show. Shot buddy. Consider yourself UNfriended.