boiled eggs, tricky business

I have SUCH a dirty little secret... boiled eggs, right... I can't make them. Yeah, laugh. I'm not kidding around. I cannot... can NOT boil an egg properly, not only can I not get the whole timing thing right, I can't peel the damn things properly, I don't have enough patience for it, I end up taking off half the egg whites. They ask me to make a tuna Niçoise salad a LOT, and a Niçoise has boiled eggs in it, but they like the eggs to be PERFECT, you know when they're a bright yellow and a little bit soft inside but not too much, it's a very tricky business, you would think I would have got it down by now, but NO. Every time I make the damn salad I end up having to eat four or five boiled eggs for lunch. But ssssh, don't tell anyone, I'm a, ahem, chef, chefs gotta KNOW shit like that. In other news, I thought everyone was off the boat again when they weren't, occasionally I like to SHOUT, at the top of my voice, the opening line from The Lion King; "NAAAAAAAAAAAANS INGONYAAAAAAAAMA bagithi babaaaaaaa", my flatmate and I used to do it all the time, it makes you FEEL good, but you have to do it REALLY loud for the full effect. The owner opens the door to the galley, he's looking at me like I just crawled out of cheese; "feeling alright dear?" Baaahaha. Act casual act casual, "Yeah, good thanks, uh, sorry about that". "Oh dear, you ARE a funny thing". Funny as in strange, not funny HA HA, I get that a lot