Apricale and the Cat Conundrum

Whilst I’d like to start this post with “nestled on top of a picturesque mountain in Italy’s illustrious Liguria, lies the sleepy, ancient hilltop village of Apricale, known for its breathtaking views, rich history and fine cuisine”,  I just can’t, because, well, that’s not really my style and I feel there are FAR more interesting details to divulge. Whilst it is all those things; quaint, picturesque, charming, it’s just, well, the cats, they’re everywhere, what’s their deal? They run rampant around the village, fornicating, defecating, purring manically, they're TOTALLY out of control. Why, I wonder, are there SO many cats? Did some old lady lose the plot and start a breeding scheme to ward off insanity and loneliness in her old age, is there a surplus of rats, is there some kind of a “buy one, get fifteen free” special on cat food that NO one can resist so they lapse into a cat food buying frenzy and then feel they need to have enough cats to justify buying all that cat food? I don’t know, but seriously, something needs to be done, the place even SMELLS like cats.

The friendly, somewhat eccentric, villagers are OBSESSED with their furry feline friends, as if having them lurking around every nook and cranny in the village (and of these there are MANY) wasn’t enough, they paint them onto their beautifully hand-made wooden letter boxes…

 

They sell CAT postcards, handmade wooden cat magnets, they’ve even invented little wooden gate contraptions to put in front of their doors which, REALLY, just seem to me like another canvas for them to paint CATS onto…

 

I walked into their only grocery shop, the alimentari, and what was the first things I saw, yeah, four shelves of CAT food, there was more cat food in that shop than human food, you think I’m joking, but I’m NOT. The old lady at the museum/garden/look-out point/excuse to take 3.50 Euros off of tourists at the very top of the village was sporting a lovely, wait for it, hand knitted, it’s coming… CAT jersey, HELL YEAH she was. I went to the restaurant in the beautiful little piazza and WHAT was on the menu? Haha, scared you. No, it wasn’t cat, but it WAS rabbit, the most delicious (and only) rabbit I’ve ever eaten, served Ligurian style with olives, potatoes and tomatoes. A quick lesson in Italian, a “primi piatti” is a first course, which I soon realised after my miniscule, albeit extremely tasty, bowl of ravioli arrived so, really, I had no choice BUT to order the rabbit.

 

Crazy cat situation aside, Apricale is truly worth a visit. It’s a short bus ride away from Ventimiglia train station and the views really are quite exquisite. Sit in the piazza at A Ciassa, dabble in a bit of red wine, rabbit, ravioli or ALL of the above, log on to the village’s free wi-fi and enjoy some of Italy’s finest coffee with a packet (yes I said PACKET) of beautifully wrapped amaretti biscuits. Admire the very avante garde bicycle protruding from the charming church tower (can you spot it in the picture below? Oooh I like this game, can you spot the CAT, the Italian flag and the medi-evil folk made out of cardboard too?)

 

Here’s a closer look in case your eyes aren't QUITE as sharp as they should be…

How bizarre, I love it.

Get lost in the ancient, winding, cobbled streets lovingly decorated with the spray of cat’s urine, kidding, with hand-painted murals depicting village life and marvel at the fact that people ACTUALLY live there, behind those tiny, cob-web covered wooden doors.

 

Join the locals in a gruelling game of tug-of-war and a free slice of freshly baked foccacia or a lovingly made cannoli in the piazza as the sun sets and the local music guru does his thing on the guitar. End your day off with a walk down to the very bottom of the village, admiring the view along the way and catch the bus back to Ventimiglia, leaving with a few more pictures of cats than can be deemed entirely necessary, a few hundred calories you really didn’t need and the hope that one day you will return to this wonderfully strange little hilltop village that is Apricale.

Travelly Stuff

I'm busy planning my trip around Europe and I am SO excited that I walked all the way to the internet cafe in the middle of a raging storm to book hostels, research train timetables and other exciting stuff.

 

The rough plan is to travel for the whole of November, visiting these places, in this order...

 

Europe, GET in my face

Hey, Contiki

How's it going? Contikiwikisala (official Contiki Clan greeting?). Whatever. Thanks for not having a single tour available for the whole of November because REALLY, it's just made me realise how much better my own tour of Europe is going to be and how much more freedom I'm going to have now that I've planned it all myself, how much money I'm going to save and how much more time I'm going to have to sit in Amsterdam's famous coffee shops, sampling every delight on their lovely menus. So, thanks.

 

Contikiwikiwonki,

 

Cary

Animal noises, sign language and other means of communication

This whole shopping business is rather tricky, even more so when you can’t speak the local language. I’ve just (sort of, kind of, not really) got the hang of French and now I’m in Italy and it’s a whooole different story. Today, my shopping experience when like this

Bonjour, sorry.. bonjourNO (?). Um, anglais? Sorry, I mean English? Can you speak English?

Italiano.

Oh, I see (well that makes sense I guess). Okay, well, I’m looking for a butchery.

*scrunchy up face* Aboooocherry? No. No.

Okay, um marcelleria?

No. Yes. Down. Down. Down (pointing upwards with his hands) left (pointing right, great, now what exactly do I do with this information?)

Grazie. Chow

Walk walk walk, down down down left aaaand I’m at the rotisserie where they sell already cooked meat.

Grrreat. ROUND 2. Bonjourno, mi scuzi, eh, marcelleria?

Eventually arrive at the butchery.

Bonjourno. Mi scuzi.. Lamb?

No.

No you don’t have it or no you don’t understand?

No.

Ooookay. Um, baaaaa baaaaa. Sheep. Lamb. Baaa Baaa

Aaaaah okay, yes.

The butcher found this rather entertaining (as did the rest of the customers in the shop) and proceeded to ask me if I needed some “moooo mooooo” (marching around behind the counter with his hands as horns held up against his head, what a joker)

Qui. I mean yes. Two grande mooooo mooooo und zwei (sorry, that’s German) TWO cluck cluck cluck.

Grazie. Arravadechi.

Mission accomplished.

Wait, I’m looking for the fish monger?

Eh?

Uh, fish *proceeds to make fish like motions (still not understood), *acts out casting a rod and reeling in a fish.

Aaaaah. Pesceria?

YES. Fifty meter, left, pesceria.

Phew. ALL in a day’s work.

kay, where AM I?

Three clues...

Could it beeeee ITALY?

Top 15 Travel Tips

Okay, here are my TOP TIPS for travelling, just some useful stuff I've learnt along the way...
 

1. I don't actually own one of these, but if you can find a backpack with wheels, GET IT, seriously, such a good investment when you're walking around the airport for hours and you want to avoid the whole sciatica vibe, or just get a really small one that's okay to carry on your back.

2. If you're staying with someone... bring a gift. Do it because it's the right thing to do, you'l probably be invited back (top score) and your Mum will be SO proud of you.
 

3. Don't pack clothes that require ironing, hell, don't BUY clothes that require ironing.

4. Don't go to McDonalds, seriously, no matter HOW hungry you are, it's just shameful. I don't care if you're petrified and starving, McBaguette is NEVER a viable option. Find a local restaurant and stick to the vegetarian option, it's always MUCH cheaper (and healthier).

5. If a menu is written in more than three languages then it's probably going to SUCK, go somewhere else.

6. Scan and email a copy of your passport to yourself (very NB.)

7. Make an effort to just TRY speak the local language. Especially in France, they get SERIOUSLY pissed off if you don't even try and generally appreciate it when you do. Whatever you do, don't tell them you're English, just say you're African, it flys a lot better (they HATE the English).

8. When you get up from somewhere (train, taxi, park bench) ALWAYS look back to see if you've left anything.
 

9. Don't bring TWO fancy outfits, seriously, one is enough. Black is always a good colour, you can mix and match with colourful accessories that don't take up much space and it'll look like you're wearing a whole new outfit.

10. The SECOND you think of packing something... GO PACK IT. If you wait, you'll forget.

 

11. By some dry shampoo, for when you don't have time to wash your hair but still want to interact with humans.

 

12. Don't pack anything that you would be REALLY upset if you lost and don't get too attached to anything, you WILL lose stuff, it's a given.

 

13. Border control chaps do NOT get sarcasm.

 

14. Don't bring more than two bags with you. A backpack and then a small purse is enough (but only ONE, no one NEEDS more than one purse)

 

15. This is an old one, but pack your bag, and when you're done... take half of it out (and you'll still have enough stuff, trust me)

Bucket List: Asia

Okay, quick recap: Europe, hippy vans, India, chaat tiki chooky whatsits, harem pants and spice racks.

So, next on the list is...
ASIA (the rest of it). Purely for the purpose of buying some of these

white rabbit sweets (fav Chinese food)

and stealing one of these and selling it for millions (or just keeping it and cuddling the living daylights out of it ALL day)

I REFUSE to take it if it's not wearing the panda outfit though. So, cute Chinese kid, WEAR the damn outfit if you'd like to be stolen and sold for millions or cuddled to death, mmkay?

(totally kidding, relax)
...or aaaam I?

But on a serious note, kid, if you don't quit being so cute RIGHT now, I WILL come over there and steal you.

Talking about pandas, that reminds me. I would like to HAVE a baby panda one day.

Except, well, these little guys are just the world's biggest disappointment aren't they? Look at them, EW, totally shattered all my dreams of owning a baby panda. I WAS going to put a picture of them, but the picture was just so visually offensive that I couldn't, here's a link rather. You know how google asks you if you want to "report image"? Well, I came close. You've been warned
*ugly panda* (click there, at your own peril)

urrgh. Get it AWAY. I'm going to just buy an ENORMOUS one that can sleep in the bed with me and we can eat bamboo shoots together and be SO happy. Iwantitnooooow.

Okay, I'm being completely unrealistic and quite ridiculous, it must STOP, but OBVIOUSLY, jokes aside, I do NEED to see a panda … how could I possibly go to China and NOT see one of these little cute-ums, that would just be OUTRAGEOUS and un-thinkable! I don’t just want to SEE one of these, I want to pat one on the head and tell it I LOVE it, feed it some biscuits (or other panda treats, maybe some bamboo shoots or something else very treaty) and then leave it be (or strap it to the back of my backpack so it looks cute and people won’t think it’s real, they’ll just think he’s my fluffy, I’ll call him Fluff-ums and he can be mah FLUFFFFY, he’ll be SO fluffy you’ll wanna DIE… if you didn’t get the "Despicable Me" reference, sorrr, yes I AM very strange.

Okay, I'm gonna quit being silly now, I'd like to volunteer at a panda centre and teach English to cute Chinese kids (they must be cute though, or else, meh, naah... kidding relax!)

I want to be a complete FT and walk along the Great Wall of China and eat Chinese noodles and Chinese stuffff and use Chinese chopstiks and Chineeeese plates and Chinese cups and Chinese toilet paper (?)and Chinese EVERYTHING and ALWAYS. Sorry, I can't seem to help being ridiculous today. Let me try. I want to experience a proper tea ceremony, I want to go to Vietnam and see the Mekang Delta and shop at the markets in Hoi An, watch the Symphony of Lights in Victoria Harbour, visit some old Chinese towns, see the ruins in Macau, I have to go to Bali, and to Siem Reap and the Angkor temples in Cambodia and then Thailand, of course. Okay, there are still a million more things I want to do there, I'm going to be in Asia for a LONG time. Whoooo is coming with me?

What next... go VOTE

I've never been one for making decisions, so I'll leave it up to you and you can take FULL responsibility for whatever happens, deal? Go vote on my little poll on the right hand side of the page. Your options are...

 

1. Work as a chalet host in the Alps

(most sensible choice for my future as a MASTER chef, and I'll get to ski)

 

2. Do an Atlantic crossing to the Caribbean on a sailing yacht

(free ride to the Caribbean, I get to tell people that I CROSSED the Atlantic ocean and I get to go to the CARIBBEAN, and earn money whilst doing it... pretty cool)

 

3. Bum around Europe in a campervan

(the least sensible option, but when have I EVER been sensibe?)

 

4. Do a 2 month overland tour across Africa

(again, not very sensible but HOW cool would it be?)

a bucket list, or something like it

So, as promised, here is everything I hope to see, do and achieve; a bit like a bucket list, but FAR more spectacular and elaborate (read long winded) but whatever, what use is a blog if you can't write elaborate, long winded descriptions of all your biggest most ridiculous dreams on it?

Now, being In France is great, it really is, being in

Europe

is GREAT because everything is so close together, you can get on a train, travel one hour away and you’re in another country, where they speak another language and have a completely different culture but I feel I need to venture a little further, having said that, I still want to visit Copenhagen, Vienna, Paris, Budapest, Barcelona, Prague, Bruges, Slovenia (okay, so basically EVERYWHERE). And I want to see it all whilst driving in one of these...

 

Did you really expect I'd want to see Europe any other way?
My plan is to buy one, make it SHOUT Cary (I'm talking pretty paint jobs and colourful cushions and purple hubblys (yes, I said purple hubblys), drive it all over Europe and then sell it for more than I bought it for (wishful thinking?)

BUT...

I feel like if I haven’t been to INDIA then I haven't really travelled. Obviously, if I'm going to travel to India then it's imperitive I buy a pair of harem pants, because that's just what you wear when you travel to India, not so? Whatever, I'm buying a pair, just like this, I REFUSE to step on the plane without them... 

YES ... those are pants (but SO much better)

I'm going to get back to South Africa and EVERYONE is going to be like "WHERE did you get those outrageously awesome pants?" and I will reply casually "oh, you know... INDIA" and they will all die of jealousy right before my eyes. Well, that's the plan, but I'm pretty sure that the moment I get off the plane my lovely new pants will transform from “totally avant-garde and envy-inspiring” to “exclusively appropriate for Halloween” and it will probably inspire a conversation more along these lines:

“Where did you get that thing?”

“Um, INDIA.”

“Take it off. It looks like you were dressed by a five-year-old who hates you.”

...OH

Whatever. The HAREM PANTS... get 'em!

Along with above mentioned harem pants, I will be wearing LOADS of pretty ankle bracelets (obviously) and I'm going to cruise around the place with my poloroid camera, taking photos and eating chole tikki chaat from the chaat walas (haha, I could say that 10 times and still find it amusing. Go on, say it really fast, the faster you say it, the funnier it sounds!). I'm going to go to the markets and buy EVERY single kind of spice I can get my hands on, because one day (when I've grown up) I'm going to be the proud owner of the world's most impressive spice rack, like this one (but BETTER)...

Okay, so I've been waffling on for ages and I've only covered hippie vans, chole tikki chaats, ridiculous pants that will no doubt make me look like I'm seriously with child and impressive spice racks, let me end there... and start again tomorrow (this may take a while).